Q: Arthor, I read your book DUST. Tell me the symbolism in it. I have a paper due tomorrow so I need to know now.
A: I will tell you the symbolism. But first I’d like you to cut my lawn. It needs to be cut now. I’m waiting.
Q: I have an idea for a book that you should write. It’s my life story. Some really interesting things happened, so far. I can’t tell them to you because you might steal the ideas. I’m too busy to write it.
A: I’m not busy at all! Would love to sacrifice a year of my life writing your book. Is 2071 too soon?
Q: Why does your book suck so much?
A: This may seem hard to believe but writing a book that sucks takes years of work. First I take anything that is remotely interesting or exciting out of the book. Then I add all the boring characters and have them sit around doing nothing. Finally, I inject suckiness into the prose using a special method taught to me by a suckiness master. It’s like becoming a kung fu master, without the exercise. Glad to know my hard work has paid off.
Q: Really, I’m not joking, what is the symbolism in your book? I need to know. I got an extension.
A: My lawn still needs cutting.
Q: I have some really great ideas. How do I stop people from stealing them?
A: I don’t want you to feel paranoid, but I’m reading your mind right now. Those are amazing ideas. If you want to prevent others from stealing your ideas wear a tinfoil hat.
Anyone else have questions? Post them below…